Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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