U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
