Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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