it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
