I think my vagina is haunted
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
