My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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