the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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