my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
