I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
