Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
