he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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