I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
