hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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