Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
