PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
