Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
