Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
