dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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