if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize