happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
