so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
