I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
