I'm gonna have a badass scar
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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