somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
