i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
