Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
