new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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