We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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