never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
