You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I said "one day" and that day is not today
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
