did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
