We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
