What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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