The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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