I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
