I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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