is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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