come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
