What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
