im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
