for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
