I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
