I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize