dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
