I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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