New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i've created a new STD.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
