??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
