New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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