Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
