The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
