I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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