I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
