$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
