Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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