How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
birth control should be required to get into college
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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