she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
