Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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