Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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