I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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