went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
