it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
