dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
