I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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