Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
well, you know. whores of a feather.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
