dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
