Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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