and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
